What it Takes to be a Happy Wife

What it Takes to be a Happy WifeIn celebration of Marriage Mondays hosted by Happy Wives Club, I thought I would take a few minutes to reflect on what it takes to be a happy wife. Now, you might think it’s your husband’s job to make sure you are happy in your marriage. I have to confess, my husband plays a big part in whether or not I’m happy in our union and there are expectations. If anyone tells you “I have no expectations of my spouse,” they are either stretching the truth, unrealistic or delusional.

Common Expectations Wives Have to Help Maintain a Happy Wife Status:

  • Loyalty
  • Dependability
  • Kindness
  • Respect
  • Love (In ways that can be fully experienced in specific love languages – ask me if you don’t know)
  • Affection (Outside of and including sex)
  • Security (Free from any type of abuse)

Sure, there are probably other expectations that when not met, tend to put a damper on your otherwise sunny outlook. Those could be expectations such as feeling like an equal partner when it comes to child care, pet care or housework. Spiritual compatibility or other life values might also play a big part for your overall happiness. But we are looking at core expectations. If the core expectations are met, then everything else should be workable.

So, yes, a husband does have his part to play in the happiness of the marriage and wives certainly have their part to do with that as well to help their spouse have a “Happy Husband” status.


Personal happiness is an inside job and the beginnings of a happy wife start with being a happy person in your own right. Self-care, self nourishing and growing on your own as a person is an integral part of not only being happy for yourself, but having a better self to offer to your marriage. Yes, of course I’m probably preaching to the choir when I say that. I’m sure you were hoping to find some new way to feel happier as a wife, or to help your wife become happier, so let’s see what I can come up with.

Happy Wife 101

  • Show up fully and completely in your marriage while continuing to also stand in your own space – because “Two become one” – and there needs to be two for that to happen.
  • Learn to communicate in a way that empowers your relationship (Think solution oriented versus problem oriented)
  • Lighten up and have some fun! Life is terminal and neither one of you are getting out of it alive.
  • If you need help, get it. Talking with a coach or counselor to fine tune your relationship – from keeping the spark going or just smoothing out a few wrinkles is an excellent resource to have.

And a bonus HUGE pointer for doing what it takes to be a Happy Wife:

Keep the Hierarchy

  1. Your good health and wellbeing (Includes being authentically who you are and nourishing your mind, body and spirit)
  2. Your spouse
  3. Your children
  4. Sustaining and building a high quality of life for you, your spouse and children to thrive in
  5. Extended family
  6. Others (Including people, places and things)

Husbands, if you are reading this it goes the same for you, become a champion for your wife to take care of herself so she has a better person to offer to you, and you keep the same hierarchy. it is truly the golden key to happiness and health for all concerned, including the children.

So there you have it, what it takes to be a happy wife includes time and effort. Humor is also a huge bonus. I think many of you are getting it by now, and if you are struggling with anything at all, contact me for a free coaching session.

You can also check out Happy Wives Club to learn what other happy wives are doing.
Happy Wives Club


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7 thoughts on “What it Takes to be a Happy Wife

  1. This goes for husbands too! I have a question about the hierarchy, I put my children before my spouse and I expect her to do the same. Can that hurt our marriage?

  2. My mom once told me, “Marriage is the only place where two halves don’t make a whole.” I totally agree with you that self care and upkeep is super important. With all of the things wives and moms juggle that can often be the first ball to drop. I’m reminded of how great I feel when I take care of myself. Thanks for posting and thanks for linking up with HWC!

    • Hi Christy,

      You are so right, two wholes make a whole 🙂 I think women especially were raised to put other’s first and it’s almost like a badge of honor to deny yourself for the “greater good” but if that’s not kept in balance, you simply can’t give your best. I know for me it took a long time to not feel pangs of guilt when I did something just for me. I’m recovering with that 🙂

      Oh, and you are welcome! I love Happy Wives Club.

  3. Lighten up–So true. Learn to let the little things go. That sounds so simple, but can really bog you down if you let yourself. Humor is a big relief in our marriage too. I don’t know what I’d do without it. And at the end of the day I know that I can always trust God, and I can rest in that!

    • Hi Esther!

      I love your blog, those little ones are just too adorable! You’re right about those little things, they can be like carrying a big bag of rocks around. I say ditch those and carry on 🙂

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