Why Self Confidence Doesn’t Matter

Why Self Confidence Doesn’t MatterI often get messages from people who say they would like to improve their self-confidence.  This is a worthy pursuit and I can help you accomplish that right now.

→ Self-confidence is the feeling of being able to confidently handle something. 

If you want to feel immediately more self-confident, think of something you can handle…. Are you confident in your ability to read the words you see in this article? Great! This is self-confidence.

Now – If you want more self-confidence in any given situation, define that situation and make improvements until you feel you can more confidently handle it. That might take training, practicing, coaching, or something else. You can do that and your self-confidence will grow. That’s it!


You can develop all the self-confidence in the world and still not feel good about yourself as a person and this is where many people are getting self-confidence confused with what they actually want, which is to feel better, happier and more effective. With this in mind, it’s important to note:

Self-Confidence is not Self-Esteem, Self-Worth or Self-Respect

→ Esteem, worth, respect, those are the things that determine how you actually feel about YOU.

→ Confidence is how you feel about WHAT you can do.

Sure, developing more self-confidence can enhance your feelings of how highly you value yourself and vice-versa. However you will never be able to feel entirely great about yourself without two very specific ingredients. Those ingredients are values and integrity. That’s it. OH – and courage, perseverance and discipline.

It takes courage, perseverance and discipline to bring your A-Game into fully expressing your values because they will be questioned, tested, and held up to scrutiny – by everyone else and even by yourself. You simply can’t develop a healthy level of self-esteem without them though.

Consider this: Let’s say your highest value is honesty, yet something happens and you lie. Even if you get away with the lie, even if you get what you want because you lied, your subconscious will KNOW that you betrayed what you value even though you were able to get what you want.

When you betray what you value, your subconscious KNOWS you betrayed yourself, this is critical to understand because it will set up a chain of events where you will feel bad about yourself. Even if it’s not noticeable to the 10% of your brain that is called your waking consciousness – you simply can’t escape it.

I urge you to list out your three highest values. Those are for you alone because everyone values things differently. For instance, my highest values are honesty, living from what I call my “God Spot” (Gut/intuition) and the pursuit of radical mindfulness in order to be thoughtful, and generous to others, including all of nature. Yours might be completely different and as long as you aren’t harming anyone else or yourself, then no one has a right to tell you that yours aren’t every bit as important as theirs.

  1. List your top three values and really take some time to fully define what it looks like to express those values.
  2. Live by them un-forgivingly and with self-regulation.

That might challenge your immediate happiness, you might have to sometimes have conflict with yourself and others over them – yet your self-esteem will grow. You will begin to place a higher value on yourself from the deepest levels of your subconscious being and your self-respect will begin to show through. That is the basis and foundation for a happy and prosperous life.

If you really want to step it up in the self-improvement arena, download the free “Hey, You Look Different” eBook and also take advantage of the free coaching session.

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4 thoughts on “Why Self Confidence Doesn’t Matter

  1. Some real food for thought here Tracy. I’m working on figuring out my three main values right now! I think the point about accepting that you might face some conflict with yourself and others over your values is well said. It’s hard to realize that your values might not be shared by others when they seem so natural to you, but it’s definitely true. Thanks for the post.

    • Thanks Allan! It was challenging for me to really flesh out my values and consider what they mean to me and how they might differ from others. Putting them into words really allows me to focus on how I am honoring them.

  2. You write wonderful, heartfelt articles with the end result of wanting to help people enhance their lives. What a good thing to do! And, you do it very well. Thank you for your efforts and keep up the encouraging words!!

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