Even the most loving couples don’t always get along or see eye to eye on everything. But, trying to figure out who is right or who is wrong is not going to bring you back together. It’s only when you stop to consider, “What is best for US?” and make that happen. That’s when you will be well on your way to making a relationship worthy of a lifetime love affair that will be talked about for generations.
What do you do when you feel your spouse has become difficult?
- Ask them about it and deeply listen to what they have to say
- Drop the defenses
- Refrain from bringing up your own list of complaints (You will have a chance to do that at a later date)
- Refrain from dismissing or otherwise telling them their feelings are “unagreeable” to you
- Rephrase what they say to assure what you heard was what they met (Doing this before jumping to conclusions can save some huge misunderstandings)
This does not mean excusing their poor behavior; it does mean dropping your resentment. Their behavior is something they need to take a look at without your input.
It’s about understanding and taking a look at what contributing factors may have been causing that behavior. Having compassion for a partner who has been acting out because of pain, confusion and feelings of betrayal is going to work much better for you in the long run over expecting them to just “shape up” first. That does not mean you have to be in 100% agreement, only that you become willing to work things out in a way that can be happy for both of you.
His or her behavior may improve dramatically just by the fact you were able to listen and work to understand them better. Throwing in some assurance will be extra credit that can take him or her from difficult to darling in no time flat, especially when you are putting them as the top priority in your life, as he or she should be. Finally, making sure that comfortable arrangements are met so you can both feel happy and safe in the relationship is the road-map to creating a long lasting, beautiful union.
Is Dishonesty Ever Okay?
If your spouse is difficult to the point you feel that you need to cover things up, indulge in “half truths” and otherwise use dishonest behavior with him or her, you are slipping down a dangerous path, not only to destroying your relationship, but to creating a loss of personal integrity. While you may honestly believe that your spouse created the situation, blaming them for your own bad behavior is not going to create a “What Dreams Are Made Of” type of relationship.
In fact, any poor behavior you chose cannot be blamed on them no matter how difficult you think they’ve been acting. Not only is your spouse going to feel hurt and betrayed, there are now more problems creating a divide between the two of you. Make amends on your own behalf if you feel they need to be made. Even if you weren’t intentionally being hurtful, if they are hurt, then coming together in a way that is less hurtful is “What is Best for US”.
Relationships are hard sometimes and mistakes are made, it helps to remember that your spouse is an extension of you unlike any other. They are the ones that are there, after the kids have grown, sharing every part of your life with you in ways no other human will. That union deserves the absolute best you have to offer. Face each other first, then face the rest of the world together as a united front.