Recently, I’ve been reviewing his book, “Relationship Rescue: A Seven Step Strategy For Reconnecting With Your Partner” and I give it two thumbs up. In fact, it just might be one of those books that every partnered up couple  - married or not, but especially married – should be required to read. And I suggest reading it before your relationship really gets difficult. Of course, if your relationship is all ready “less” than the happily ever after you had in mind, then I would tell you – get this book – work through it alone or with your partner. Either way, it is amazing. It’s hard to face some of the facts he makes sure you discover about yourself – but that is part of what makes his process work so well.

Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil is part workbook, part lecture and part pep talk. He’s not the type to wax poetic, that’s for sure. And, he approaches things from a realistic angle that just makes sense in ways it may have never made sense before. One part of the book I really enjoyed was the relationship myths he shared and how he explained them.

Not to be a spoiler – but here is a quick peek:

10 Relationship Myths According to Dr. Phil (in my own words)

1. You Must be on the Same Page with each other (Think alike)
2. Romance is the Key to a happy relationship
3. You must be great problem solvers
4. You must be interested in all of the same things
5. Great relationships are filled with peace and no fighting
6. You can really “let it all hang out” (vent and fully release that toxic wasteland which can come from your own ill will feelings)
7. Sex is not important
8. A great relationship cannot work unless both partners are “healthy/stable”
9. There is a “right” or “wrong” way to make your relationship work
10. Your partner has to change to make things better

Some of these myths might sound like no-brainers. At least many of them did for me. Others might sound a bit confounding (As they did for me as well), but Dr. Phil makes sure to explain each one in a way that makes them crystal clear. This is just one small part of the book, although a very important one because comparing our relationship to what we “think” is supposed to be a great relationship might get some of us in trouble.

Get the book, give it a read and let me know you are working on it. I’d love to hear what you think and how it works for you!

Click here to get the book –>

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Common Symptoms

It is easy to become addicted to gambling because it is everywhere in today’s society in the form of sports, lottery tickets, and casinos. A person spending $50 on a Friday night at a casino with a few friends is harmless fun. But when said person starts going back by himself, several times a week, a problem has developed. Once money is being spent that is needed for rent or other monthly bills, the problem is pathological. Gamblers will ultimately have to dig themselves out of their self-imposed abyss, and pay their rent and address any other obligations they have neglected to feed their addictions. Cash advances are often used or valuable possessions like jewelry or used cars are sold to keep a roof over the gambler and his or her family’s head after blowing an entire paycheck in a matter of hours.

The Psychology

Like all other addicts, gamblers are seeking a high that cannot be obtained any other way. Gamblers similarly build up tolerance to their “drug of choice” and have to bet more and bet against the odds more to get the same feeling. Some psychologists diagnose problem gamblers as obsessive-compulsive, while others believe it is a choice one makes in the process of criminal-like thinking. Gambling addicts will begin lying to loved ones and co-workers to hide their addiction, and thoughts of suicide enter the mind of many who feel they no longer have control over their actions. Over 20 percent of pathological gamblers attempt suicide at some point, according to the NCPG. A Gamblers Anonymous (GA) survey found 72 percent of members reported depression episodes, and 22 percent suffered from panic attacks.

What To Do

If you suspect a friend or loved one has a gambling problem, the worst thing to do is confront them about it. Problem gamblers must make a conscious decision themselves, admit they have a problem and seek help. GA is one the country’s longest-running 12-step programs which has helped people cope with and stop their destructive habits. Spouses are even allowed to attend the open meetings. Once you’ve identified you have a problem, relinquishing control of your finances to someone you trust is a practical way to prevent a relapse. Gamblers should take up a hobby or schedule several activities throughout their days so there is no time to gamble. Natural herbal remedies, such as niacin and zinc, are also known to curb the physical aspects (pulling the slot lever, playing with chips, etc.) of gambling.

Do seek medical assistance before taking any supplements and check out a 12 step program, they are saving a chair for you!

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Whatever your reason is to want to find out how to stop worrying, the first thing to know is Yes You Can! It first helps to figure out where your worry is coming from.

Why People Worry

• They are afraid something bad is going to happen or they are going to fail in some way.
• They are afraid.
• It gets them a false sense of control over a situation they really have no control over.
• They feel that is what you are supposed to do. Think of a parent worrying about a child, while it is perfectly understandable, it never serves the parent or child.
• High anxiety caused from too much stress or because their adrenalin production got stuck on the “On” position.

Does any of this sound like you? Getting to the root of why you worry is an important first step in being able to create the best ways to jump off the worry train.

How to Stop Worrying

1. Stay in the present space and moment. Pay close attention to what is going on right now, and let go of the need to try to forecast the future. Sometimes this is all you need to do to realize that everything is OKAY right now. When the future comes, you can deal with it then. As you’ve dealt with everything else that has come up in your life thus far, at least to the point you can read this article, I’d say your chances are pretty high you can deal with anything else that comes along, but don’t try to live in “what if….” – live in “Right now”.

2. If you are worried about making a decision, do as much research as you can, get feedback – but ultimately you must make a choice that feels the best for YOU. If you must, put a deadline on the decision you have to make and if you still can’t come up with a choice, flip a coin. You only fail if you don’t try and failure always includes the gift of knowledge, so take a chance and fail once in awhile.

3. When you notice worry thoughts ask yourself, “Is there something I can do about this?” If there is, there is no sense worrying about it – just do whatever it is that is a possible option. If you can’t do anything about it, there is no sense in worrying either, but that can be easier said than done.

4. Take your worry to the absolute extreme of the worst that can happen – to the absolute very end to the point of being completely ridiculous, and then keep going. Your mind will get to the point that it finally gives up thinking of what bad things could happen, and you can move on to think about something more positive.

5. Reach out to others and if it’s something you don’t want to share with your friends or family, join an anonymous forum, or send me a message. Sometimes just communicating what you are worried about will help you stop worrying so much.

6. Radically pursue self help/self improvement or a faith based activity. These pursuits can help you have faith in yourself that you will be okay – No Matter What.

7. Distract yourself from your worry thoughts by pursuing a creative or other type of activity that will engage your mind so you aren’t ruminating on your scared thinking.

8. Do a daily brain dump. This is where you sit down with a pen and paper, you need to write manually due to the hand/mind connection. Write until you can’t write anymore about whatever is going on in your head. Then, organize your thoughts into a “To Do” list. You won’t have to worry about remembering anything that way.

9. Collect a list of songs, chants or mantras you can fall back on. My personal favorite it “Three Little Birds” (See video below). I’ve added a couple of more videos that you might also find helpful.

Now that you know how to stop worrying, you can start to practice. You might find one or more techniques work better for you than others, and you might stumble on something else altogether. Either way, never give up. Worry is unhealthy for your complete system – meaning mind, body and spirit. Overcoming your worry thoughts will create contentment and better overall health, and maybe even happiness and joy.

The post How to Stop Worrying appeared first on Inspir3.

But then, you start thinking about how you called off sick, when you weren’t sick, when someone asked you what you thought of their new hairstyle or outfit and you said “It looks great” when you were really thinking it was awful. Then, if you are truly honest, you will say that honesty is something that is a struggle, at least every once in awhile, for even the best of us. It is just so easy to “default” to a little white lie, isn’t it?

My biggest struggle with honesty is that of omission. While I avoid lying unless it’s a life or death situation, I will also not fully express myself and that is something I’ve been working on. I have seen some great improvement (If I do say so myself) even though I have a ways to go and – quite honestly – I know I will probably never seem as fully self expressed as more outgoing personality types. I’m not that, and I’m okay with that although I do admire my more outward emoting friends.

Anyway, the benefits of honesty FAR outweigh the temporary “wins” of lying to yourself and others.

Benefits of Being Honest:

• You feel better about yourself – have higher self esteem
• You don’t have to remember what you say to people in order to keep your lie going
• People trust you when you are telling them important truths you need them to know
• You will never face the humiliation and adverse consequences of being caught in a lie
• You are better able to honor and respect those who mean the most to you
• You are more highly respected by others
• You set a good example
• Your reality doesn’t get all confused by beginning to believe your own dishonesty
• Your heart and mind feel like a clear blue sky on a sunny day

Rules of Honesty:

• Be Kind, honesty is not an excuse to be rude or hurtful (For example, you might not like someone’s new hairstyle or outfit, but you can probably find at least one honest thing about it to compliment)
• Mind your own business (Being honest doesn’t mean butting in and sharing opinions about anything that doesn’t directly affect you)
• If your honesty might be difficult for another person to hear, respect the timing of when you share (Usually in a confidential setting at a low stress time is best)

In the end, being honest is an important way of having a happy life. I challenge you to reflect on honesty and dig deeply to find ways that you can become more honest.

I collected 100 other ways you might be interested in considering as well in the 101 Tips for How to Be Happy in Life eBook which is currently available on Kindle.

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In fact, sometimes saying no is the most loving thing you can do for another person, even though it might not feel like it at the time. It’s true though, turning someone down when you don’t feel good about saying yes sets an example of caring for yourself and, depending on the circumstances, can allow the other person to learn important life lessons.

How to Say No:

• “No, thank you”
• “I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me”
• “No for now”
• “Thank you for asking, but I must say no”

When Should You Say No?

• When you don’t agree with what is being asked of you on a moral basis
• When you don’t feel excited or good about saying yes
• When you need to honor yourself by cutting down on activities to focus on other things
• When you know you will be putting yourself in an awkward situation, such as lending someone money that you can’t afford to be without
• When you are helping the other person continues unhealthy activities, such as agreeing to cover for an alcoholic to help them avoid consequences of their using

When you say no to people, you do not owe them an explanation and you are not in charge of how they accept the fact that you said no. If you feel like you are letting them down and feel poorly about that, you can do something nice for them in the future to make up for it if you like.

Think about this:

It is actually more selfish to say yes when you don’t mean it than to be honest and say no.

When you say yes when you don’t mean it, it is because you feel as if you have to “do something” to get something. That does not come from your heart and is a subtle way of manipulating others. If the “yes” isn’t coming from your heart freely, then knowing how to say no and doing it is the most caring thing you can do for yourself and others.

For more help with how to say no, contact me!

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There are three problems that will keep you from figuring out how to be happy in life:

One: You have been brain washed to believe happiness is “out there” and that you don’t deserve to be happy unless you first live up to impossible expectations.

Two: You think that happiness is poured over you by outside circumstances or other people instead of something that bubbles up and pours forth from the inner most parts of your being.

Three: You are afraid to be happy. That fear keeps you from being able to balance what level of happiness you are comfortable with.

You might notice that one, two or even all three of these problems are what you are experiencing when you start focusing on how to have a happy life. Out of these three problems, number three is the most challenging of them all to overcome, but keep the faith. If you are really sincere about wanting to find at least a content-fully happy, if not completely blissed-out happy life, you CAN achieve that despite your current fears. First, choose which fear is the strongest for you:

Fear of Happiness

1. The feeling of an impending sense of doom that will destroy current happiness.

2. The feeling of “What’s the use?” because the world is SO screwed up.

3. The feeling that others around you will resent you or you won’t fit in because you are too happy.

Overcoming Fear of Happiness

1. Ask yourself – Do you want to live a flat line life? Be happy today and let tomorrow worry about itself. Happiness destroyed was still happiness and that is how life works. How about enjoying when you can be happy? When something unhappy occurs, you can then at least look forward to knowing that you can experience happy times again in the future.

2. Because the world is so screwed up, happy people are needed more desperately than ever. How else are we going to make things better? Sitting in the feces of horror isn’t helping.

3. Maybe you aren’t meant to fit in, maybe you are meant to stand out.

If you need help getting over any of these problems of how find the happiness you are looking for, contact me. I can help.

You might also want to pick up my new Kindle book “101 Tips for How to be Happy in Life”. It’s only $2.99 and is filled with tips and quotes that will bring you happiness that you can build on for the type of life you really want to be living. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download the free Kindle App for your PC or smartphone.

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I recently wrote a letter to husbands about what to do if their wife was entering menopause. It was pointed out by someone that this article was offensive because I didn’t include information for the wife about how even though she is struggling through a challenging situation she still needs to be accountable for her actions and live up to certain expectations.

Well, I have given a lot of thought to this. I feel if a person has a relatively well adjusted emotional intelligence level that it can safely be taken for granted they are aware that pain or challenging situations are not an excuse to behave poorly to those around them.

I further assume women readers of Inspir3.com have the fortitude to do their best to refrain from becoming a raging lunatic or otherwise difficult. Hormones’ running rampant to the point one is temporarily, certifiably insane is no excuse. While that might be partially tongue-in-cheek, I am sincere about encouraging everyone to mind their manners no matter what.

Perhaps my assumption is – you know, making an ass out of me – so, just in case:

Dear Women,

As you struggle through life changes, please remember you do need to be accountable for your actions. While you might feel like lashing out, completely melting down, or otherwise going into “crazy lady” mode, do your best to refrain. I urge you to seek help if you can’t control your own actions whether due to menopause or any other reason.

Love, Your Personal Life Coach

Everyone has episodes of great pain in their lives whether it’s physical, emotional or mental illness, trauma or injury. The hope is that their loved ones will remember to be kind, patient and supportive as they would hope others would be to them when they are dealing with their own struggles. Albeit, some struggles are more challenging than others and may require pushing the limits of that kindness, patience and support sometimes, but for true love, I firmly believe it’s worth it.

I also believe that sometimes it just isn’t appropriate to lecture those suffering about how to respond to their pain/issues. While, yes, I am an advocate of people acting maturely and responsibly to others despite their infirmities, and I hope those infirmities are few, the greatest need is offering the support and encouragement they need to work through whatever it is they are going through.

The post Don’t be a Bastard When You Have a Toothache appeared first on Inspir3.

The typical panic attack lasts about 10 minutes though it can seem like an eternity and the adrenaline rush in the body can cause the body to take a while to come down from this heightened sensation of fear. According to statistics, one in every 75 people will experience panic attacks at some point in their life.

Of these people, it is most common to occur to people that are in their young teens or in early adulthood although they can come out of nowhere at any age. Some people may experience a panic attack once in their life, but it is more typical to have repeat episodes triggered by specific situations, which is why those with PTSD can also be prone to panic attacks. Women are twice as likely as men to experience panic attacks, but men are in no means immune.

Quick Tips to Help Panic Attacks

• When a panic attack occurs, the body needs to practice slow diaphragmatic breathing, the person’s breathing will slow down and eventually return to normal. One tip is to inhale while counting to ten slowly and then to exhale, again counting to ten. A person should repeat this exercise until they start to feel better.
• Try to cool down a person’s body temperature. If the person starts to feel sweaty, try a cool towel on the back of their neck to try to get the body temperature under control.
• Use distraction. If someone else is around, it can be easy to start engaging in conversation about absolutely anything so that the person who is having a panic attack can start to ignore the worry and the symptoms going on in their body and focus instead on the conversation.
• Start singing. They will focus on the words of the song rather than think about their body’s reaction to a panic attack.
• Meditate and slip into a trance-like state to try to overcome the anxiety and only think about what is going on in the “now” rather than to focus on the “what ifs” that will likely not occur.

Panic Away is a system that has proven effective for many. It teaches a variety of techniques that help the body heal naturally using techniques to move the mind out of the way to allow the parasympathetic nervous system to activate. It’s based in part to studies Dr. Victor Frankl and Dr.Claire Weekes. It’s a fast and easy system to learn and can help you regain your life from worrying about whether a panic attack is going to hit at the worst possible time.

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Fast forward ten years and what do you have? Are you the same two people you were back then? Probably not. Life happens. You get busy. She gets busy. Other things seem to take over, and before you know it you are more like roommates than the lovers, partners and best friends you were when you first met.

What if you could get that spark back? Would you do it? Of course you would! Here are four simple ways for you and your wife to feel like newlyweds all over again.

Have Fun Together

Think back to some of your fondest memories with your wife. Not just the ones in the bedroom, but the ones where you were out and about. In all of these memories, chances are you are laughing together. Huffington Post journalist, Sadie Dingfelder, suggests getting out and doing things together that will make you laugh again. It doesn’t matter how silly they are. Try to forget your daily struggles and stresses and just enjoy each other’s company. If possible, schedule these activities at least once a week. Put them in your calendar and commit to them. You may have to initiate the first couple of dates.

Give Compliments

It is probably safe to say that you still think plenty of nice things about your wife, but do you tell them to her? As time goes on, it is easy to assume she knows that you think so highly of her. But guess what, she needs to hear it. For the best results, give her genuine compliments at least once a day. The more the better. However, they must be sincere and detailed. Hitched.com points out that it’s not enough to just tell her she looks nice. You must tell her why she looks nice. Did she get a new outfit that fits her gorgeous body perfectly? Does her new haircut flatter her face? Notice the details and let her know that you noticed. Before long, she will be complimenting you again too.

Get to Talking

If you ask any couple who has been married over 25 years what their secret is, communication will be the answer a large percent of the time. You must talk to each other. In fact, Ed Young, who wrote “The 10 Commandments of Marriage,” puts this as commandment number three. Author Young understands that without communication, no marriage can pass the test of time. When talking with your spouse, use statements that express your feelings and thoughts. Do not just place the blame on her. It will not go over well. Communicating is about both sides being heard and respected. Sometimes, communication is the relationship.

Touch Each Other

Make an effort to touch each other as much as possible. This can be as simple as holding hands while shopping or offering a shoulder rub while watching television. Remember, back in the day you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. That is not a bad thing. Simply by touching, you will feel your connection begin to grow.

This article is included in with many more excellent posts at the Happy Wives Club:

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After combing the web and not finding a single step by step process for men on how to deal with their wife as she goes through the most significant change in her life (Yes, more significant than puberty because that that really was a walk in the park compared to perimenopause and menopause symptoms).

I thought I would give you a little primer so:

A. You can help your wife

B. So you can maintain your own sanity.

Let’s get a few definitions out of the way. Perimenopause is what happens before actual menopause and can seem to take down even the most stoic of women with hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats, etc… Menopause is when she hasn’t had her period for at least one year. Here is a quick rundown of symptoms that are common for women going through this time of their life:

Menopause Symptoms:

• Anxiety
• Allergies
• Bloating
• Breast Pain
• Brittle Fingernails
• Burning Mouth
• Changes In Body Odor
• Difficulty Concentrating
• Depression
• Digestive Problems
• Dizziness
• Electric Shock Sensations
• Gum Problems
• Hair Loss
• Headaches
• Hot Flashes
• Irregular Periods
• Irritability
• Irregular Heartbeat
• Itching
• Joint Aches
• Loss Of Libido
• Low Energy
• Muscle Problems
• Mood Swings
• Night Sweats
• Osteoporosis
• Paranoia
• Ringing In The Ears
• Sleeplessness
• Tingling Extremities
• Urinary Incontinence
• Vaginal Dryness
• Weight Gain or loss

Read that list again, in fact print it off and tape it up somewhere because if you aren’t deeply considering what it would be like to live with one or more of those symptoms occurring, usually all at the same time, then you really aren’t getting the full gist of what it might be like for your wife.

Now, since women go through this change in their own unique way – you have no idea what you can expect and neither does she. She might have an idea from what her mom went through, but really, it’s unique to every woman. In other words, don’t place expectations on her just because some other women seemed to sail through this change relatively unscathed. Your wife might not be that lucky and It IS NOT A CHOICE.

While “hot flashes” sound like “Yea, so she gets really hot and uncomfortable for a few minutes” – it’s actually more like “Oh my God, I have been set on fire from the inside out”.

They are intense and exhausting.

Did you get that – exhausting?

Yes, it saps our energy, not only the hot flashes, but just about every other symptom as well. Chances are your wife is strong and will carry on, perhaps even fairly normally, but underneath that something seriously strenuous is going on for her and if you make light of that, you will not be able to fully grasp the implications of what she might be going through during this time of her life.

Also when she’s almost impossible to live with at times, it’s because she’s dealing with something that is absolutely one of the most challenging things she may ever have to live through. Your understanding of that alone can have a crucial impact on how all that plays out in your marriage.

If you can start to really wrap your head around that, realize she’s not choosing this experience and while it can last for a long time (years) it is temporary. Plus, there are good days mixed in with the bad days, just not something she or you can plan on – so don’t bother, just enjoy the good days and realize those bad days might be hard on you, they are quite literally much harder on her.

Now, what can you do to help your menopausal wife?

Drop the expectations. If you have taken it for granted that your wife is going to be up for – well anything really – it helps to realize she might not be up for much more than just trying to get through the day sometimes.

Be kind. If you were going through what she was going through, you would want to feel that your wife would be compassionate and understanding and that is absolutely the best skills to give to your wife during these challenging times.

Develop a sense of humor. NO – NEVER, EVER, EVER laugh at her or her symptoms. Women are known to get away with murder due to hormonal insanity – so just lighten up and keep as positive as possible.

Be forgiving. Sometimes your wife is not even going to know who she is when those mood swings hit and will be appalled at herself. The last thing she needs is for you to treat her as if she’s being difficult on purpose.

Don’t take it personally. Your wife loves you the same even if she seems moody, distant and possible to read from one minute to the next. She’s going through something you will never be able to fully understand and her outbursts, mood swings, etc… are probably every bit as troubling to her as they are to you.

Be ready. If she says she isn’t up to something, understand it. She might need more quiet evenings alone with you or just alone to try to keep herself centered and grounded while her body is doing everything possible to prove she’s insane. She might need to leave a social situation if she gets too uncomfortable or might not be able to keep up the way you are used to.

Work with her on a daily basis. Things are going to change for her day to day, sometimes even minute to minute. Keep that in mind and do your best to go with the flow.

Be Assuring and Encouraging. You cannot possibly assure her enough during this time. Menopause symptoms leave the most gorgeous, stable woman feeling ugly (Such as that clammy feeling from going through so many hot flashes or other not so wonderful symptoms), unstable – even worthless. Depression is a huge risk at this time and your ongoing assurance and encouragement is very much needed during this time.

If you deeply love your wife, learn how to help take care of her. Ask her if she needs anything and be a good sport about tending to her special needs. She would do the same for you and probably has over the years if you’ve ever been going through something deeply emotional or even had a bad cold or illness, or have otherwise needed some extra special loving care from her.

This is your opportunity to really, really love her.

Trust me, she will be more than happy to make up for that on her good days and your marriage will thrive despite this inconvenience.

This time of life is not easy for any marriage, but you can make it through and actually come out much closer and happier than before if you remember to be patient, kind and compassionate. Your wife will be eternally grateful and you will reap the rewards of that as she feels better, so hang in there and remember, this is a temporary situation in your lifelong journey together.

The post Is Your Wife Entering Menopause? appeared first on Inspir3.