I wanted to clue you guys in on some of the most common mysteries that crop up with long term couples to help you understand your wife a little bit better. What I’m about to tell you might not sound fair or even reasonable, but it is what it is and there isn’t anything you can do about it other than work with it.
On the flip side, your woman has some things she needs to work with when it comes to you as well that isn’t always fair to her and she can read about those in Facts for Women About Husbands to Help Keep a Happy Marriage. So keep an open mind and realize what I’m going to tell you is about helping you have a happy marriage, not about tipping the scales in her favor because she’ll have her own set of facts to work with.
Fact for Men About Wives
When your wife asks you “Do you love me?” even after you’ve just said it, it’s probably because she doesn’t feel it. If you notice her doing this, instead of getting frustrated, try to understand that she is struggling with an unmet need. Ask her “What can I do to show you love in a way you will feel it?” It could be she needs more affection, more attention or to feel as if your more present or supportive of her. Consider what she requests and work something out you can both feel comfortable with.
Women bring up the past, such as something you did five years ago because even though it’s over she hasn’t experienced closure which is strong need for her. While throwing the past up is considered “dirty fighting” approaching this mistake with compassion for her pain is going to go a lot further than criticizing her for poor communication skills. You can also ask her “What do you need to see from me so that we can finally put that behind us once and for all?” and then listen to what she needs. This will help her feel as if you care about her and will also let her know that your willingness to work through it requires her willingness to also work on letting it go. That’s a win-win for both of you!
The right answer to “Do these jeans make me look fat?” is “You make those jeans look beautiful” and then point out anything positive that is true. Maybe it’s you like the stitching or the fancy back pockets, notice something you like and comment on that. Anything else will be taken the wrong way because when she asks you those types of questions what she really needs is to feel that you are attracted to her. If you really do think she looks fat in those jeans, wait for another day and suggest the two of you start working out together to increase health and wellbeing for both of you without mentioning you think she’s fat.
Your wife probably is initiating sex more often than you realize, it’s just you can’t see it because the way she does it is different than what you expect. Women are not as prone to just grabbing you and going for it even though that is probably what you would hope. You can certainly ask her nicely to initiate sex in ways you can see it better, but stay patient because it might be very uncomfortable to her because it goes against the natural feminine nature. Better yet, look for how she shows you that she is welcoming your advances because that IS her initiating sex. Then, continue to work out a happy medium because if you complain too much about how she doesn’t do it how you want her to, it risks shutting her down to wanting to do it at all.
If she truly isn’t initiating or showing you that she’s open for sex, you might want to look at what’s going on outside the bedroom because for women, if things aren’t in balance outside the bedroom, they aren’t going to work out great inside the bedroom for either one of you. The best way to do this is simply ask her and be prepared to work with whatever she tells you in a way that feels caring and supportive without arguing about her feelings.
Her feelings are real no matter how insane they may sound to you. Arguing, criticizing or trying to talk her out of what she feels is counterproductive because she may not even like how she feels, but nevertheless for her, it’s very real. Understand that and many of your problems could be solved very quickly.
Your wife will never get tired of hearing you tell her she looks pretty and how happy you are to be with her. If she doesn’t hear it, even if she’s secure and confident, she will start to feel unsettled due to an instinctual need for assurance. This started back in caveman days. If a woman didn’t “fit in” she would be shunned and that was a certain death sentence. Not true today, but the instincts are still there. Don’t try to change her or force her out of that because if women could’ve figured out how to do that for themselves by now we would’ve been done it generations ago.
Wives don’t see love by the work you do. Sure, they value, appreciate and respect your efforts, but she won’t feel swept off her feet because you spent three hours making the yard look magnificent or bringing in that extra hundred dollars a week (Unless part of that money is to buy her flowers). In other words, remember the romance and how she personally needs to experience love and make it a point to give that to her the way you did when you first started to date. That is, after all part of why she fell in love with you.
Wives come first over everything and everybody else, no matter what. She’s the only one that is dedicated to sharing your life with you through thick and thin in ways no other human on this planet ever will and deserves your absolute best. Face her first, and then face the rest of the world together as a united front.