In my line of work, as you can imagine, I hear everyone’s wants and needs. I “want” to be happier, feel more connected, figure out how to get my life on track. I “need” to get into recovery for my addiction, stop self sabotaging, look for a better job. I’m sure you can think of one or two things that you’ve known you wanted or needed for quite some time now and maybe you are even making some half hearted efforts to move in that direction. How’s that working for you?
The truth of the matter is, unless it comes down to a specific type of skill, most of us really do know how to get what we want or what we need. But we don’t, or we do, but not to the point where we are effective, only enough to soothe ourselves that we’re “trying”. We all know what Yoda has to say about that, “Do or do not, there is no trying”.
“I don’t have time” is another golden ticket to keeping us stuck from creating a better life for ourselves. I’m sure you can think of some other excuses you’ve used if you are being blatantly honest with yourself. But getting underneath all that, the main reason you aren’t really going after creating your dream life is because you are afraid.
Top Fears Holding People Back from a Better Life
- You aren’t worthy of a better life
- You don’t have what it takes
- You will lose something you value
- You will no longer fit in to what you are comfortable with
The Truth About Those Fears
- Maybe you aren’t worthy; maybe you’re a total shit. When you put yourself whole heartedly into creating a better life, you will earn that worthiness along the way.
- Maybe you don’t have what it takes, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t capable, it just means you have some more learning to do. When you are ready the teacher comes, if the teacher isn’t showing up, find one. An online Life Coach might make a great teacher to start with (Yes, shameless promotion, but it is true!)
- You might lose something of value, but it will be replaced by something even more valuable because you will have created the opportunity for that to happen.
- You probably won’t fit in to what you are comfortable with. People you are currently consorting with might leave you because they can’t stand to see you grow and become better as a person. You will find that what you are no longer comfortable with and the people who would leave you because you want to improve are better off being left behind even if it is a bittersweet goodbye. You will find more comfort and loved ones that will celebrate your accomplishments, not hold you back. And, you will teach those that would leave you that it is okay for them to learn and grow too, even though you will probably not see that.
Still scared? If you are normal you absolutely are. In fact, if you are typical at all you feel a sense of excitement to think about making your life better, and you also feel a sense of anxiety or dread at the thought of it. That just makes you normal. Courage is not the absence of fear though; it is facing the fear and doing it anyway. Give yourself permission to say “Hell Yes” when you look in the mirror and ask, “Are you afraid to create a better life?” Then, do it anyway. Let me know if you need help.